


Paging the Heroes of Paris

by JadeJem



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: 16 year-olds!, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Bee Chloé Bourgeois | Queen Bee, Chaos, Chat Noir Being Chat Noir, Cussing, Descent into Madness, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Fox Alya Césaire | Rena Rouge, Frustration, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, Ladybug/Chat Noir - Freeform, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, Lesbian Chloé Bourgeois, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Is So Done, Rena Rouge/Carapace - Freeform, Sexual Tension, Sexual innuendos, Stress, Superheroes, Turtle Nino Lahiffe | Carapace, idiocy, teenagers with too much responsibility, texting au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22385752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeJem/pseuds/JadeJem
Summary: Ladybug, now the Guardian, gets the main members of the Miraculous Gang to download an alternative texting app so that they can stay in touch out of the suit. Being able to reach everyone when there's an akuma is an important privilege she trusts everyone will use responsibly.Alternatively: In which the heroes of Paris are expected to act like mature teenagers (not abuse the group chat they've made for EMERGENCIES ONLY) and fail miserably.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe, Chloé Bourgeois/Kagami Tsurugi
Comments: 23
Kudos: 197





	1. Just a Group of Responsible Teenage Superheroes

**Author's Note:**

> i'm such a loser for texting au's lmao
> 
> is this a waste of my time? yes. do i care? HAH no.

**bug**

> Okay... Did I miss anyone?

**shat noir**

> me

**bug**

> Shut up, Chat.

**shat noir**

> roger

**ninja with a shell**

> did someone say my name
> 
> jk jk

**no fox given**

> Unless

**ninja with a shell**

> unless
> 
> nO RENA THAT WAS MU JOKE
> 
> *mu

**beebee gun**

> loser

**ninja with a shell**

> ****mu

**shat noir**

> no u

**beebee gun**

> no u

**ninja with a shell**

> *******MU

**shat noir**

> no ur mom

**no fox given**

> babe omg give up

_**bug** _ **has changed the chat name to _Emergency Chat for the Heroes of Paris._**

**shat noir**

> question

**bug**

> No.

**shat noir**

> right
> 
> but what constitutes an emergency

**beebee gun**

> ur mom

**ninja with a shell**

> she got u there

**shat noir**

> THATS MY JOKE

**bug**

> An emergency can be anything from an akuma attack to calling a meeting that can't wait. Valuable information is also something we should not shy away from, and I would expect to be kept up to date with your well-beings outside of battle. 

**shat noir**

> question

**bug**

> I will impale you with your own baton.

**shat noir**

> as much as ive fantasized about that, i'll have to pass this one time

**beebee gun**

> please impale me

**no fox** **given**

> wait ur turn 
> 
> i have impaling rights first and foremost as her biggest fan

**beebee gun**

> DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT.

**shat noir**

> what constitutes valuable information

**ninja with a shell**

> ur mom

**beebee gun**

> nice one

**ninja with a shell**

> ty

**shat noir**

> HARASSMENT???
> 
> EMERGENCY???????

**bug**

> No.

**no fox given**

> she shut that shit down ToT im dead as hell

**beebee gun**

> ice cold, LB.

_**bug** _ **has changed the chat name to _EMERGENCY Chat for the Heroes of Paris._**

**shat noir**

> is this a purrsonal attack or something?

**bug**

> Yes. 
> 
> Please never quote Brie Larson ever again.

**shat noir**

> IT SAYS EMERGENCY C H A T
> 
> **I** 'M chat

**no fox given**

> ur mom's chat

**ninja with a shell**

> hAH

_**bug** _ **has changed the chat name to _EMERGENCY CONVERSATION for the Heroes of Paris._**

**beebee gun**

> yeah but now the chat name is too long

**bug**

> That's it. I'm resigning.

**shat noir**

> take me with u
> 
> we can retire 
> 
> run away together
> 
> find a deserted island and build a life for ourselves on the sandy beach of our love
> 
> where we have no less than 18 children

**beebee gun**

> oh my god

**shat noir**

> maybe there'll be wild hamsters

**ninja with a shell**

> r u ok

**shat noir**

> only destiny knows

**no fox given**

> i dont know if i should be fangirling or calling the cops 

_**bug** _ **has left the chat.**

**beebee gun**

> well damnit

**shat noir**

> NOOOOOOO

**ninja with a shell**

> ok but are we rlly surprised

**no fox given**

> it only took her 8 minutes and 37 seconds to leave

**beebee gun**

> You timed it????

**no fox given**

> duh

**ninja with a shell**

> I can hear chat screaming in the distance

**beebee gun**

> how tragic.


	2. It Can't Get Any Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in case anyone needs clarification...
> 
> bug: ladybug  
> shat noir: chat noir  
> no fox given: rena rouge  
> beebee gun: queen bee  
> ninja with a shell: carapace

**no fox given**

> Who's patrolling tonight?
> 
> if someone says "ur mom," the likeliness of them losing a limb will jump significantly

**ninja with a shell**

> ur mom

**beebee gun**

> oof

**ninja with a shell**

> NO WAIT I SENT THAT BEFORE I READ UR MESSAGE BABE
> 
> PLZ SPARE ME

**shat noir**

> do none of you have school???

**beebee gun**

> ok but who actually pays attention in class tho

**shat noir**

> fair, but the teacher keeps looking at me!! 

**no fox given**

> I WAS ASKING A LEGITIMATE QUESTION

**beebee gun**

> I thought only LB and CN patrolled

**shat noir**

> usually, yeah, but... there's a reason LB started this group chat

**no fox given**

> *slides detective glasses on* 

**ninja with a shell**

> babe no

**bug**

> Oh my gosh, guys! My phone is having a STROKE! Is everyone alright?

**shat noir**

> no i miss u

**no fox given**

> Needy cat
> 
> I was asking about patrol tonight

**bug**

> Oh! Did I not tell you guys about the chart I made...?

**shat noir**

> the what

**bug**

> I KNOW I told you, Chat. 

**shat noir**

> no u didn't 

**beebee gun**

> chart??????

**bug**

> Yeah! I composed a chart with scheduled times. There will be two heroes out every night, and I left some blank spaces in case your availability is slim.
> 
> If you check your alt. emails, you'll see a Google Doc! 

**shat noir**

> dibs on ladybug

**no fox given**

> DUDE NO WAY

**beebee gun**

> Absolutely not

**bug**

> That's not how it works, Chat.

**shat noir**

> but plz

**ninja with a shell**

> i know my man aint simping rn...

**shat noir**

> I invented simping ;)

**ninja with a shell**

> oh.. facts

**beebee gun**

> I cannot beliEVE I tolerate you people

**shat noir**

> **beelieve

**bug**

> I knew it was coming, but I still hoped that it wouldn't. 

**shat noir**

> and just to be clear.. I'll be setting up a trade system with bribery if anyone has any specific evenings that may be of interest to me... ;)

**no fox given**

> ooh!! duly noted

**bug**

> Kwami, have mercy on me. 


	3. It Can, In Fact, Get Worse

**shat noir**

> so i know that we've discussed this in the past
> 
> but can someone plz explain what a tampon does

**beebee gun**

> oh my GOD.

**shat noir**

> UR ANSWERS THE FIRST TIME WERE VRY VAGUE K.

**no fox given**

> why do you need to know???

**shat noir**

> they're making us do presentations in health class, and i get to do female products...

**ninja with a** **shell**

> google it?

**no fox given**

> ^^^^?

**shat noir**

> but what if PICTURES pop uP?? 
> 
> this is an invasion of pRIVACy

**bug**

> Are we discussing good times for the meeting tomorrow? I think I linked a poll with different options, but only two people responded... one of them being me.

**beebee gun**

> idk why don't you backread :)

**shat noir**

> NO WAIT MY LADY DONT
> 
> DO NOT BACKREAD

**no fox given**

> can you link the poll again? I don't think I saw it the first time

**ninja with a shell**

> i got u
> 
> https://linkto.run/p/9MJA51GE

**no fox given**

> thx babe

**bug**

> ...What.

**shat noir**

> SJNDBEIKSKSJSN
> 
> ahaha... got u.. just kidding. i was kiddjsbng 

**beebee gun**

> that was about as convincing as ur poker face when LB asked who'd thrown her yo-yo onto the roof last week

**bug**

> That was YOU, Chat?

**shat noir**

> well u see

_**shat noir** _ **has left the chat.**

**no fox given**

> ...boy what.

**ninja with a shell**

> the audacity

**beebee gun**

> This boy waltzes in, asks about TAMPONS because he is afraid to LOOK IT UP HIMSELF, PRETENDS that he was JOKING about being afraid to google TAMPONS, and then FLEES like a little B-I-T-C-H

**bug**

> It's fine... I'm patrolling with him tonight, anyway. 

**no fox given**

> oh LMAO rip him

**bug**

> I'm going to compile a mini slideshow about feminine products, tie him to a chair with my yo-yo, and then force him to let me present. 

**beebee gun**

> Have I recently reiterated the fact that I'm in love with you . 

**ninja with a shell**

> my man is gonna pop a blood vessel...

**no fox given**

> it's what he deserves. 

**bug**

> :)


	4. Chaotic Good

**shat noir**

> guys i need an honest opinion
> 
> am i chaotic good or chaotic neutral

**beebee gun**

> what

**shat noir**

> bcuz i dont think im lawful good even tho im a literal superhero lmao

**ninja with a shell**

> dude honestly 
> 
> ur just.. chaotic

**shat noir**

> but if im chaotic good i think that means im the cool n suave character

**beebee gun**

> according to google, the chaotic neutral chart has 3 categories of lawful, neutral, and chaotic

**no fox given**

> omg yes i love this trend
> 
> solid lawful neutral for me

**bug**

> What is this conversation?? It's 2AM. 

**no fox given**

> i think chat's gotten lost down the tumblr hole again :/

**shat noir**

> KSKDDJND
> 
> bugaboo, im chaotic good, right?

**beebee gun**

> just say no

**bug**

> Well, you're certainly chaotic...

**ninja with a shell**

> THATS WHAT I SAID

**shat noir**

> i'll take it.
> 
> be the good girl to my bad boy, cara? ;)

**beebee gun**

> this is why I'm not attracted to men.. :////

**ninja with a shell**

> chat O///O

**no fox given**

> brb quitting
> 
> actually yknow what
> 
> take him, chat
> 
> that means i can have Ladybug >:)

**bug**

> I- 

**shat noir**

> OVER MY DEAD BODY RENA

**no fox given**

> i can make that happen :)

**beebee gun**

> LMAOAOOAOA

**no fox given**

> :)

**bug**

> Honestly, I'm afraid for my life right now. 

**ninja with a shell**

> WHATEVER RENA
> 
> CHAT AND I WILL JUST RUN OFF INTO THE SUNSET TOGETHER

**no fox given**

> enjoy dragging Chat's corpse around. :)

**shat noir**

> KSJHDHBHJSBDHB PLZ

**beebee gun**

> crying
> 
> but fr shut up im trying to sleep

**ninja with a shell**

> ah gg

**bug**

> For real! Go to sleep, everyone! Never know when an akuma is going to attack.
> 
> But um, for the record...
> 
> Chat is definitely chaotic good.
> 
> Anyway, good night, guys!

**beebee gun**

> well damn

**ninja with a shell**

> thats a win if ive ever seen one

**no fox given**

> not LB admitting she thinks Chat is cool...

**shat noir**

> brb im not crying but its getting close


End file.
